Prime

Is the notion of being in one’s prime another version of “having it all?” Or is it simply about the physical body and sex, and less about self-actualization?

Joe had turned ESPN on in the background, just as a reporter began a long voiceover about an upcoming NFL recruit.

"This is it, this is his time," the reporter said, almost salivating, "He's 22 years old. He's in his prime, and this is his moment."

I was listening in the kitchen, while I prepped dinner. "When were we in our prime?" I shouted over to him in the living room. "Or, are we still working on getting there?"

A beat, then he shout-mumbled back, flummoxed, "I'unno."

It got me thinking more about that phrase—being in your prime or in the prime of your life.

I'll admit, it bothered me—just a little—that I couldn't think of a time when I felt like I was in my prime. I look back at my 20s and consider my excellent metabolism, coupled with crippling uncertainty about my path and a fear that I'd never get where I was trying to go. Prime time? Maybe in that three glasses of wine would not result in a hangover the next day.

Here in my mid-30s, there's greater financial freedom, and a newfound willingness to explore my own identity (and make no apologies for it). There's also crepe-ier skin, fear that every big life decision I make is somehow more binding than it was a decade ago, and still, still the uncertainty about the path forward (by now at least, I have learned the uncertainty will be standard issue throughout the whole of this crazy journey here on Earth).

I'd love to hear from you—is the notion of being in one's prime another version of "having it all?" Some kinda bullshit, unattainable thing people say, but no one ever actually feels? Or is it simply about the physical body and sex, and less about emotional evolution and self-actualization? I've been turning this over in my head—especially because the latter definition, while I suspect common, doesn't resonate for me personally.

I've been thinking you can feel "in your prime" in multiple areas of your life, just rarely all at once. You might feel sexy as hell—wanted, healthy, desired, confident, all that good stuff—but maybe your career path is in the dumps. Or perhaps financially secure, but without the time or space to care for yourself (body and mind both). Does having one without the other mean you can't feel in your prime?

Maybe the modern day version of being in your prime is having confidence in the future, while also knowing whatever state you're in now is part of the path to get there. We might not have everything we want, but eventually, the journey gives us everything we need. A prime number is, after all, a whole number whose only factors are one and itself. Maybe your relationship with yourself follows along the same lines. Being in your prime could simply be about rooting in the present, and okay with all the pieces of the pie—health, self, career, relationships, money, the lot of it—in various states of satisfaction, since none of these things individually can divide define you.

This essay was originally published here. Photos by Alex Harvey and Dmitrij Paskevic.